Transcripts / The Hunger
This is a transcript for the video essay “The Hunger” which can be found here.
Part I
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"I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land." – Psalm 143:6
The following program is a work of fiction created for educational, artistic, and harm reduction purposes in compliance with the VideoCorp terms of service– I love VideoCorp. I love the rules– Any resemblance to actual persons is a super crazy coincidence. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you, TS Natalie Wynn.
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Jackie: War! What is it good for? Absolutely gawd damn everything. According to the National Institute for Strategic American Liberty Heritage Enterprise Prosperity Commerce Policy Research. Hi, I'm Jackie Jackson, you're listening to "The Freedom Pod" 🇺🇸. Where it doesn't matter what you say, it only matters thaaat you say. We don't discriminate here between what is true, or false, or even downright dangerous. That's none of my business, it's none of America's business. The important thing is that you never stop talking, cause that's what freedom is all about. Tonight, the war on drugs. How do we get these goddamn junkies off the streets? 🍺
Virgina: Jackie… 😕
Jackie: My first guest is Justine Tableau, leftist influencer and author of such books as: "Revolutionize Your Brand: How to Capitalize on Communism".
Justine: Uh, the editor chooses the title. I didn't choose the title–
Jackie: And my second guest is Virginia Lamm, senior pastor at Hope Truth Ministries. Virginia, let's begin with you. Every day in Biden's America, Muslim cartels are driving Mexican dump trucks full of Chinese fenta-Void across the Rio Grande. And they're getting our children amped outta their little minds on Hype. The world is laughing at us, even the Canadians, with their pronouns and their genders. How have we reached this point?
Virgina: Two words, Jackie. Sexual anarchy.
Jackie: 🤯 Let that sink in.
Justine: Let what sink in? Sexual anarchy? What does that even mean?
Virgina: Jackie, the enemy has taken control of our culture. The radical left and the corporate media, they're replacing the nuclear family with aimless fornication. They're tearing apart the social fabric, and normal Americans are being silenced. That's why we're seeing all this woke cancel culture PC CRT SJW globo-homo-pomo-nomo. The people pushing this agenda, they don't want us resisting our captivity in Babylon. And that's why we're seeing so many attacks today on the most persecuted minority in America, the Christian majority. 🔔✝️
Jackie: Virginia I appreciate your pious gibberish, but could you be a little more specific?
Virgina: Of course Jackie. Religious liberties are under attack. We're losing our right to teach biblical morality to children, who are growing up in public schools run by social engineers who laugh at God, and would rather have gender-neutral bathrooms and drag queen story hours–
Jackie: Disgusting–
Virgina: Then teach young people about the wonder-working power of the precious Blood of the Lamb.
Justine: Yes we do still have a constitution in this country, I'm sorry that you feel offended by it. Believe it or not, the Founding Fathers actually wanted to protect us from whatever twisted necromancy these people think is Christianity.
Virgina: Jackie, these communists are polluting the innocence of children, and if you speak out against the grooming, they call you a bigot. Parents get no say anymore. They're being vilified just for having legitimate concerns about the deviant lifestyles promoted in schools. You know, one day your kids will come home, and you won't even recognize them anymore. That's the real agenda here, sexual indoctrination. This generation that's coming up: 20% identify as LGBT, 40% are attempting suicide, and the remaining 70% are being delivered directly into the hands of pornographers, Satanic cultists, or worse… Episcopalians.
Jackie: 😲 No! No, I won't stand for that.
Justine: I'm sorry, what does this have to do with drugs?
Virgina: Well, everything. Addiction and sexual brokenness, these are two heads of the same serpent, symptoms of the same cultural leprosy. Single mothers, weak emasculated fathers, childhood sexual abuse-
Justine: Is anyone going to ask me what I think? Why was I invited onto this podcast? To sit here and listen to the ramblings of a bigoted hate preacher?
Virgina: Well, God has nothing to do with hate. Christ is the definition of love.
Justine: Well, I'm not talking about Christ, Virginia. I'm talking about you.
Jackie: Justine if she doesn't hate anyone, then how can she be a bigot? You liberals call everyone who disagrees with you a bigot.
Virgina: Exactly.
Jackie: Why can't you just leave your emotions out of it for once, and have a calm rational conversation with people who have different opinions.
Justine: Okay, well, let's see how that goes.
Virgina: Jackie, regular Americans like me are just trying to set people free from sexual brokenness and protect the rights of children. Kids who are struggling with gender confusion should have the right to access reparative therapy that will make them whole again.
Justine: "Reparative therapy"? You mean, handing gay children over to exorcists for years of torture? What a terrible wound of self-disgust to inflict on young people, telling them they're broken and polluted and they need God to make them whole. You people are selling the cure to a sickness you created.
Virgina: Are you cancel-culturing me right now?
Jackie: Oh my God, she's totally cancel-culturing you right now.
Virgina: Are you thought-policing me?
Justine: No, I'm trying to stop you from thought-policing everyone else.
Virgina: You're saying it should be a thought crime? You're saying that I'm a thought criminal? Just because I happen to believe in the traditional biblical definition of marriage between a man and a woman who form a covenant before God who gave his only begotten son to wash away the sins of the world when he died on the cross and was resurrected three days later all glory to his name? Jackie, these are the silencing tactics of the radical left. And I'm sure the blue-check Twitter mob is already coming for me because you can't say anything anymore. And Christians like me, our voices are being silenced.
Justine: You know who's really being silenced? People who are silent. Being silent is a big part of being silenced. That's what being silenced means. So who's really being silenced? Not people on podcasts. Not rich morons screaming into the biggest megaphone in world history about how silenced they are. No. The people who are silenced are people we never hear from, because and I really can't emphasize this enough, they are silenced. People in prison, queer teenagers in conservative towns, the actual downtrodden and oppressed people of this country. Not you Miss America. Not you Mother Superior, you're not silenced. You just know that what you're saying is indefensible, so you defend your "right" to say it.
Jackie: Okay, but if I'm not being silenced then why can't I say the n-word?
Justine: Why do you want to say the n-word?
Jackie: So I only have freedom of speech when it conforms to your liberal ideology?
Justine: Goddammit Jackson.
Jackie: Um, that sounds a little bit like... being silenced?
Justine: She's stonewalling me.
Jackie: All over America today, white parents are having to sit their children down and explain that there's certain words they just can't say because of the color of their skin. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would be turning in his grave.
Justine: Would he? I mean, he's definitely turning in his grave but not for the reasons you think.
Virgina: Jackie, can I bring this back on topic and share the good news of the Gospel?
Justine: That's not the topic.
Virgina: I have prayed on this, and honestly the Holy Spirit has filled me with so much compassion for young people struggling with same-sex temptation. You know when I look out at all these angry people at the Pride parade doing all this sexual acting out, and wearing provocative clothing in a desperate bid for attention, I see the broken childhoods and I see the craving for acceptance and belonging and I feel for them. I really do.
Justine: Wowww… you're such a good person for taking pity on the poor sad homos. You know what you people really love is the "aesthetic" of being compassionate, but all you're really doing is calling into question the worthiness of other people's lives.
Jackie: Yeah Virginia, why can't you just live and let live you know? Whatever happened to "love your neighbor"?
Virgina: Jackie, anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm the most compassionate person that they know, but "love your neighbor" doesn't mean anything goes. And it certainly doesn't mean that we all just bow down to the intimidation tactics of the secular ruling elite. It doesn't mean that we can't ask questions about this narrative we're all being force-fed that God and scripture have no place in American life anymore; that we're all supposed to submit to the takeover of these Marxist plutocrats imposing their queer ideology, which says that if your child comes home from school and announces she's a different gender this week, then you have no choice but to surrender her to the surgeon's knife. Slicing up tiny little children's bodies. That's where this is headed, the shrine of Moloch.
Justine: Oh my God, no one is "slicing up children's bodies". What are you talking about, you absolute lunatic?
Jackie: Well, speaking of the transgendereds… In the interest of full disclosure, I feel I should let our listeners know that one of our guests this week used to be a man. Isn't that right "Justine" Tableau? Or should I say, Justin?
Justine: Oh come on! Really? 🚬All right… we're doing this.
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[cut to Justine smoking in a bathtub]
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[shot of Luciferia climbing the stairs]
Jackie: You're smoking a cigarette in the studio? Is this a throwback to the 1970s?
Justine: No, it's a throw forward to the 20-I-don't-give-a-fucks.
Jackie: Well, don't mind if I do. 🚬
Virgina: Ugh.
Jackie: 💨 Nothing wrong with the proud history of good American tobacco. Good Virginia tobacco.
Virgina: Jackie–
Jackie: Uhh the Freedom Podcast LLC does not endorse the sale or use of cigarettes, vaporizers, or other nicotine products to individuals under 21 years of age. Some restrictions apply. Results may vary.
Virgina: Excuse me Jackie, I'm really not comfortable with this. I was not warned that there would be a transgender here today, and I really have nothing to say to this eunuch servant of Jezebel.
Justine: Well, I wasn't planning to spend my day seated across from a goddamn exorcist, but here we are.
Jackie: Virginia if you're not prepared to get splashed, then you can get out of the free speech zone cause you're about to get wet. 🍺💦
Virgina: Excuse me? I agreed to this podcast because I thought you were a conservative.
Jackie: I'm a libertarian. Anything goes baby, U.S.A. 🇺🇸
Virgina: Jackie, the problem with libertarians is that a society with no values cannot function. Christians tried to warn you that if you changed the definition of marriage it would be a free for all, and now here we are. 96.5 genders are being taught in American classrooms. It seems we've forgotten that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Eve and Kai and Jayden and Caden and Lilith and Ashton and Skylar and Rainbow. Homosexuality is a gateway drug to transgenderism, and from there it's just one step away to pedophilia and bestiality. And that's the real agenda here. These people want to lower the age of consent and legalize sodomy with all the beasts that walk the earth, and the birds of the sea, and all the fishes of the sky.
Justine: Well Virginia, if you're so worried about it why don't you take your Mickey Mouse sexual neurosis back to the nunnery in old Missoura? Do they not have demons to slay in the backcountry?
Virgina: I rejoice in persecution and revilement for the sake of righteousness; for the Lord commands me not to hate my brother, Justin.
Justine: Wow… super controversial, super provocative, super brave and super bold. We're living in Orwell's nightmare but you're a freedom fighter and you refuse to be silenced. Amazing.
Jackie: Look, I just think it's great that three people with differing opinions can all sit down in a room and have a respectful conversation.
Justine: Well…
Jackie: Cheers to us. 🍻
Justine: Is it great? You know, I don't think it's that great. And I don't think there's anything respectful about the two of you sitting here interrogating the morality of queer people, something you know absolutely nothing about.
Virgina: Oh, I know more than you might think. I used to be a homosexual. 🌩
Justine: No. God, no.
Jackie: You what?
Justine: I-I'm not doing this today.
Jackie: I'm sorry, you "used to be" a homosexual?
Virgina: That's right Jackie. Before I was saved–
Justine: Here we go.
Virgina: –I used to be a lesbian. That's who I thought I was, I lived that lifestyle.
Justine: You used to be a lesbian. Okay, name five things you love about men. This should be good. Gather round everyone. Let's all witness the power of Christ, I'm sure this will be very convincing.
Virgina: I love the Lord, who does not command me to be straight. He commands me to be holy. 😇 Fear not. You will no longer live in shame, for your creator will be your husband.
Justine: Okay… well if you want to be the bride of Christ, then by all means but you know, keep it in the bedroom. I'm tired of you people shoving your lifestyle in everyone's face.
Jackie: Virginia, I'm confused. I thought people are just born that way. Like, Jesus can't change that.
Virgina: Jackie, the mainstream media establishment doesn't want you to know that people like me exist because that goes against their narrative, but recovered homosexuals should be allowed to tell our stories. The ploy of the enemy is to make us feel that we cannot change, but what if every addict said "well, I'm just a junkie. That's who I am. I 'sexually identify' as an alcoholic so Jesus can't change me".
Jackie: Well, that's a good point.
Justine: Uh no, it isn't.
Virgina: Gay is just a feeling. Homosexual lust, same-sex temptation, that's a feeling, not an identity. Like, maybe you struggle with wrath but you don't identify as wrathful. Maybe sometimes you wanna punch a guy in the face–
Justine: I wanna punch you in the face.
Virgina: And yet, you haven't punched me. Lo and behold, you have a desire without acting on the desire. When I was saved, I left behind the false identity I used to walk in and I was delivered by Christ's transformative love. My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me. But before I made God lord of my desires, I was controlled by sin, by drugs, by alcohol, by homosexuality.
Justine: So you used to be cool, and now you're boring. Wow, behold the power of Christ.
Virgina: You think it's cool to be contaminated in fornication?
Justine: Yes I do. It's pretty cool.
Jackie: I'm sure we're all a little contaminated in fornication.
Virgina: Is this a joke to you? Do you find this humorous?
Justine: Yeah.
Virgina: I don't, because I have glimpsed the gates of Hell where unrepentant souls endure the horrors of sin. Away from God, shut out from grace, tormented by unyielding guilt and shame.
Justine: Yes, we've all been to Cincinnati.
Jackie: Can we wrap this back around to the drug topic? Virginia, you're saying you used to be an addict?
Virgina: That's right Jackie.
Justine: What were you addicted to? Miracle Whip? Veggie Tales? Communion wafers maybe?
Virgina: No, I was addicted to alcohol 🍷, to pornography 🥵, to lusting after women ⚢, and to Hype 💊.
Justine: Hype? You, Virginia Lamm, were a Hype addict?
Jackie: Look Virginia, can you drop a quick storytime on this? Cause I am intrigued.
Virgina: Jackie, I would love to testify. You know, growing up I never really felt connected to my mother–
Justine: Girl, not this.
Virgina: When I left home, I was lost. I was a wretch. I was on fire 🔥, and I rebuke that fire. I used foul language, I went out clubbing, I cut my hair off, I gained weight–
Jackie: 😧
Virginia: –I was tempted by same-sex attraction, and I struggled with gender confusion you know? I was always a little more masculine, I'd even started down the path towards transgendered. I used to shoot up testosterone, that's why my voice is a little lower.
Jackie: Yeah the two of you sound kind of the same honestly. If I didn't know, I don't think I could tell which one of you is the man.
Justine: Neither of us is "the man" Jacqueline. Though if anything, this one's the man. She– he's the one injecting testosterone.
Virginia: God has healed the feminine within me. All along, God was tugging at my heart. But for me, the road to heaven led through hell. I felt a terrible void inside. I lived in the flesh, I lived in sin with another woman hoping to satisfy that hunger.
Justine: Here we go.
Virginia: When I gazed upon her beauty I thought sunlight had broken through the clouds. But the light I saw was nothing but the fire of my own wickedness. I knew that lifestyle was wrong, but I couldn't quit until she broke my heart. And then, I was cast into the outer darkness.
Justine: Yeah, she probably got tired of your Jesus bullshit.
Virginia: It was like a part of me was ripped away, and I was left to face my brokenness alone.
Justine: What was she? A Capricorn? ♑️
Virginia: No, a Sagittarius. ♐️
Justine: Well, there's your problem. Next time maybe try a water sign.
Jackie: Shhh, stop interrupting. I'm living for the drama.
Virginia: Jackie I was alone. I was suicidal. I was an addict. I was lost. Until one day I decided to go to church with my mom, and I was surrounded by these women singing. "What can wash away my sin? What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus that washes white as snow". And I felt this tingling all over my body, and I knew I was hearing the voice of God for the very first time. Not just the words of the hymn, but the voice of the Father speaking directly to me.
Justine: Yes, we all like music.
Virginia: And suddenly my pain made sense. I don't have to live this way anymore. In that moment, I was transfigured by the Holy Spirit. I was cleansed, I was healed, I was delivered, I was sanctified, I was redeemed. My guilty stains were washed away, and I exchanged my brokenness and pain for his loving grace.
Jackie: Okay… So I'm confused. Do you eat dick now? What's your deal?
Virginia: Jackie, my deal is that I entered the throne room with a repentant heart and rebuked the enemy that keeps me from the Father. When I found Jesus, I found someone who truly loves me. And through obedience to him, my identity is no longer in my attractions, but in Christ.
Justine: You know what I think, Virginia? I think that you are immoderate in love, and immoderate with substances, and so you need an imaginary father figure to make all the rules because you can't control yourself. But your weakness doesn't mean that everyone else should have to live in a state of enforced mental infancy.
Virginia: "Mental infancy"? Bondage to the flesh is mental infancy. I know Justin, the chains of sin. I know the murmuring complaints of the flesh, the itch, the ache, the shame. I lived in mud, I lived in filth. I know the thorns, the seething cauldron, the great whirlwind that whips sinners round an endless wheel of pain. But my shame was hammered to the cross, for those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Justine: Virginia, who are you trying to impress with this ostentatious sexual anorexia? Who is the beneficiary of your erotic constipation? God? I really don't think he cares gorg. Celibacy is not a good deed. To me this all just sounds like a lot of words to say that you're gay, and you hate yourself. I don't think I could've put it less succinctly myself.
Virginia: Is it hate to worship the glory of God over the glory of self?– Is it hate to be anchored to the Savior's will that leads me from temptation?– To walk with purpose, abiding in the identity of who God made me?– Is it hate to heal the brokenness and be made whole through radical obedience to the Holy Spirit?
Justine: Have you been made whole Virginia? Because to me it sounds like you amputate half of your own soul and you call it sin and shame. Well, that's my definition of "sexual brokenness".
Virginia: Ugh, why am I being lectured about amputation by a castrato?
Justine: 🙄 She's hilarious. She's a wit.
Virginia: We are all half angel and half beast. The flesh must die so the spirit may live. The soul by definition is not the flesh. Have you really wandered so far astray? Have you feasted with such profligacy on apples of Sodom that you think the urge to fornicate is half the soul?
Justine: No Virginia, that's not what I think. What I think is that you have a vulgar Cracker Barrel understanding of human sexuality. And you're on a "save the children" type moral crusade because you lack the adult capacity to face the demons in your own head. You talk about "the flesh" and "same-sex temptation". Well, what even is that Virginia? I want specifics. What is this terrible thing you're so afraid you're gonna do if Jesus stops holding your hand for 10 minutes? What, you think you're gonna rail a line of Hype off a stripper's tits?
Virginia: Excuse me?
Justine: Answer this, what do you think erotic love is a desire for?
Jackie: Wait, I know this one… sex.
Justine: No, that's too easy. Erotic love is not aimless pleasure-seeking. It's a longing for connection, for recognition, for wholeness; to traverse the lonely void that separates us from each other, to liberate repressed energy, to feel alive. Love is not "the flesh", it's not "temptation". It's nothing like the urge to punch someone in the face, it's nothing like being an alcoholic. It's not a craving, it's a yearning. "The desire for reunion with our other half", Aristophanes. But you people don't understand that, because you are vulgarians. You have no sense of humanity, and you have no sense of the erotic.
Jackie: Well that sounds like a bunch of liberal Marxist bullcrap.
Justine: Jackie, your brain is so small 🧠. It's just so tiny. [finger snapping] Look at me. You're a dum-dum okay? And I'm gonna need you to stop talking.
Jackie: As usual, the cancel culture Wokestapo is trying to silence me.
Justine: Shhh Jackie. I really am trying to silence you this time because you're so stupid and I can't stand it anymore, so shut up.
Jackie: 😷💨 I'm giving you the plague liberal. 😷💨
Justine: Okay. Well, I hope it kills me because I'm done.
Jackie: See I'll never get sick, because every day I drink a pint of antifungal hedgehog medication. Doctors don't want you to know about it! 🇺🇸
Justine: I could not possibly be more done.
Virginia: You may be done, but I'm not.
Justine: Well you people never are, are you?
Virginia: You wanna talk about yearning? I mean I get it. I used to live in shame, I know the insatiable longing to be with another woman.
Justine: Yes, we've all noticed.
Virginia: Let me tell you it is not freedom, it is bondage. You do not possess the flesh, Justin Tableau. The flesh possesses you. Rebuke it and be free, or perish as a slave; for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Justine: You people do love to rebuke things, don't you?
Virginia: Justin the love you yearn for can only be found in Jesus, only he can fill the void. I know, I used to be like you Justin. I was lost, I was blind, I was confused in my identity. I used to reject the gospel, until my sin took everything from me and I needed a savior. And then I called out to God for salvation, and he came to me as a loving father. It's not too late for you Justin. You're so loved. God loves you, but this, this is not God's intent for you.
Justine: It is ridiculous to me that you think you know God's intent; the height of cosmological narcissism.
Jackie: I'm sorry, has Reddit gone offline? Have we run out of fedoras in America?
Virginia: I'm just trying to understand why you hate God.
Justine: I'm just trying to understand why you hate love.
Virginia: God is love.
Justine: Is he?
Virginia: The only love worth having. What you call "love", the sin I used to live in, the world, the flesh, and the devil, that only ever brought me pain.
Justine: Yes, because heartbreak is painful. Love is painful, the poets are unanimous. "Love is bittersweet" says Sappho, "Eros, giver of pain".
Jackie: What's Sappho?
Virginia: A pagan pornographer, the sort of filth these people want to teach to children.
Justine: Well, if the Aeolian lyric poets can't tell us what love is, then goddammnit I don't know who can.
Virginia: Well, God for one. God has a sexual plan for all of us.
Justine: That's hot.
Virginia: God's plan is for male and female to be one flesh. Men's and women's bodies fit together for the purpose of creating children.
Justine: You do realize you don't need a man to have a baby right? Seminal fluids are not difficult to come by, even in this economy.
Jackie: You have a guy? A semen guy?
Justine: That's just most guys.
Virginia: Look I do need to brush up on my apologetics, but since I'm among heathens– clearly– I will do my best to argue not from faith but from reason.
Jackie: I love reason.
Justine: Do you?
Virginia: Tell me this Justin, which is better? A love that is eternal? Or a love that can be ripped away at any moment?
Justine: I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, that must've been really hard.
Virginia: Just answer the question.
Justine: Nothing is eternal Virginia, except maybe sanctimonious assholes.
Virginia: Isn't a love that is eternal, superior to a love that is fleeting?
Justine: Yes Socrates, it is certain.
Virginia: And don't you yearn not just for a love in the moment, but for a love that lasts eternity?
Justine: Yes Socrates, that is evident.
Virginia: And isn't eternal love what we call... God?
Justine: Yes Virginia, we all want to be loved. But sometimes we don't get what we want.
Virginia: Hmm, so you have no argument.
Justine: Do I really need an argument? This is just a semantic trick. You're saying that God is eternal love and then, magically that must exist because… you defined it that way?
Jackie: So, you don't have an argument?
Justine: I'm sorry–
Jackie: Interesting.
Justine: –I didn't prepare to have a debate about Neoplatonism with a five-alarm lesbo cosplaying as a trad wife. I'm supposed to take this seriously? Why? Why am I even here? What am I doing? Why am I talking to these people?
Virginia: I think you're here because God led you here, Justin.
Justine: I don't think God leads people to podcasts.
Virginia: Clearly this transgender identity of yours is a defense against the emptiness you feel inside. There's a hunger in your soul no pleasure of the flesh can satisfy. Do you not feel the thirst in your body like a parched land?
Justine: Well yeah, I feel the thirst. I'm sure we all feel the thirst.
Virginia: If I may quote Psalm 63–
Justine: Please don't.
Virginia: –"You, God, are my god. Earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water… Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will raise up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as in the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you".
Justine: Virginia, go to therapy.
Virginia: Says the delusional man who thinks he's a woman. You're the one who needs to go to therapy.
Justine: No you go to therapy.
Virginia: I'll pray for you.
Justine: I'll pray for you. I will pray straight to Satan.
Jackie: Look, can't we just agree that we're all a little Looney Tunes? You have your Jesus bullshit, you have your gender nonsense. And I... well, I'm sure I must have something.
Justine: The free market?
Jackie: Right, we all have our little delusions. The important thing is that we cling to them and we never let go no matter how much evidence gets in the way, because that's what makes us free. And freedom is what makes America great. Other countries, they don't have choices, but in America we have the freedom to choose whatever we want. 🇺🇸
Justine: So can we do drugs?
Jackie: No, that's illegal. 😠
Justine: I thought you said we could choose.
Jackie: Yes, but we have to make the right choices.
Justine: And what if we want to make the wrong choices?
Jackie: Well the boot of the law will crush you without mercy, you will be locked in a tiny cage. 🇺🇸
Justine: That is literally the opposite of freedom.
Jackie: Well we have to be tough on crime. It's the only way to keep this country free, we have to build more prisons. 🇺🇸
Justine: Who decides what the right and wrong choices are?
Jackie: Well, Father decides.
Virginia: Father always decides.
Justine: And do you always do what Father says?
Jackie: Of course.
Virginia: We always do what Father says.
Justine: Why?
Jackie: Because Father says so.
Virginia: Why can't you just admit that you hate God because you want to sleep with men.
Justine: Oh, I don't want to sleep with men.
Virginia: Yes you do. You're a man who struggles with gender confusion and same-sex temptation.
Justine: No I'm not. I'm a lesbian, just like you girl. My heart was also broken by a woman. I thought she was a catgirl, she turned out to be a fuckboi. Ugh. 😿
Virginia: You are a straight man?
Justine: I mean at this point, I wish. But no, definitely a gay woman. We're all stuck with it.
Jackie: Hold on. So you're attracted to women, but you became a woman. Does that mean you're attracted to yourself?
Justine: No.
Jackie: In the mirror?
Justine: No, because I'm not a fucking animal that can't tell the difference between my own reflection and a different person. Desire is always for something that you lack. You can't desire yourself because you're already one with yourself. Desire feeds on absence, it reaches out across a void.
Jackie: I dunno. I think if I was a lesbian, I'd fuck me.
Justine: Okay, well thank you for sharing.
Jackie: Aren't a lot of serial killers transgendereds?… Do you have bodies in your basement?
Justine: You better watch out or you're gonna be next.
Jackie: Are those clothes even yours? Or are you wearing the clothes of your victims?
Justine: Jackie… I will drizzle a red wine reduction over your liver and I will feast upon it. 🥩
Virginia: Jackie, these transsexuals, they're the greediest of all perverts. It's not enough for you to possess a woman, you also have to appropriate female beauty for yourself.
Justine: Who said anything about female beauty, Virginia. You're the one who keeps bringing that up.
Jackie: Nice. Got her!
Justine: Shut up dum-dum. I said it to hurt her, not to entertain you. You stay out of this.
Virginia: Look, so you're a straight man. You could've had a wife, you could've raised a family. Your life could've meant something, but you threw it all away.
Justine: You really think having babies is the only way to have a meaningful life? Do you have babies?
Virginia: Well–
Justine: Priests don't have babies. Maybe think of queer people as priests… Except you know, the people we have sex with are adults. 💅
Jackie: Whoa, okay.
Virginia: That's Catholics, that's not Christians.
Jackie: That's kind of crossing a line don't you think?
Justine: Oh has free speech gone too far? Now it's gone too far?
Jackie: Can we have a civil conversation please? Is it impossible to have a civil conversation in America today?
Justine: Girl, that ship has sailed and sunk. Virginia, I believe you were about to exercise Christian humility by explaining why your barren life of self-flagellation is more meaningful than mine.
Virginia: I walk with the spirit until the day I go to glory, that's my meaning. Your meaning is what? To fabricate an already fading illusion of feminine beauty until you rot away unresurrected in the earth? And for what? To mutilate God's image and to live a lie?
Justine: Anything else would be a lie. If God exists I'm sure his mind is bigger than yours, and with or without your approval and understanding I will always be the way I am.
Jackie: Look, can't we reach a reasonable compromise. I think you should have the right to do whatever sick shit that you're into, just– leave children out of it. Like whatever this is, keep this away from children. And that's why we should increase police funding to fight the war on drugs.
[cut to upside down shot of Justine smoking in bathtub]
[shot of Luciferia smoking]
🚬🛁📺
Virginia: Listen Justin, I'm just trying to help you understand how lost you really are. I know my place in this world, I've found love, family, belonging, fellowship in the church. Have you found fellowship in the LGBT2A$ community?
Justine: Well obviously not, because it's a bunch of wounded people wounding each other, case in point. Though you are one of the worst I've ever seen.
Virginia: So… you're alone, you're far from God's grace, and you have no catgirl gf. Can you honestly say that you're happy? That you're fulfilled? That you have purpose? That you have hope?
Part II
[dissolve to Justine smoking in bathtub]
[phone notification] 📲
Denise Tableau [text message]: Hi Justin… We are still praying for you… Hope to see you at Christmas this year…
[Lucferia appears through a glass divider]
[Justine checks phone to see that Tabby is still blocking her on Twitter]
Luciferia: Justine? Justine? Justine?
Justine: Hello?
Luciferia: Justine?
Justine: Hello? 😱Jesus.
Luciferia: Ugh, don't say that name in front of me.
Justine: How did you get in my house?
Luciferia: Oh, I get into a lot of people's houses.
Justine: Who are you? What are you?
Luciferia: Well, I used to be an angel.
Justine: And now?
Luciferia: Let's just say I'm in a different line of work.
Justine: A satanic visitation, at this time of year, at this time of night, in this part of the country, localized entirely within my bathroom? 🍔
Luciferia: Yes.
Justine: Is this gonna be a weird sex thing?
Luciferia: Do you want it to be?
Justine: No. Look, I've had a terrible day, I'm really not in the mood for this.
Luciferia: Well, I can help you with that.
Justine: Can you?
Luciferia: Sure, I can help with anything. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, pain, boredom, failure, shame. Shame? Is it the shame?
Justine: Well yeah, there's the shame. There's always gonna be the shame, but it's a complex cocktail. There's the heartbreak, there's the loneliness, the self-loathing… I'm a parched land Luce. I've got the hunger, the emptiness inside.
Luciferia: Aww, emptiness inside. Well baby girl, let me fill you up.
Justine: I thought you said this wasn't gonna be a weird sex thing.
Luciferia: It's not a weird sex thing. 🧪 Potions Justine, potions 🧪. I have potions that will fill the emptiness inside.
Justine: "Potions"?
Luciferia: Elixirs, serums, tonics, medicaments. Think of me as a salesman, an apothecary.
Justine: A dealer?
Luciferia: Shhh! Are you trying to get demonetized? 💸
Justine: Sorry. What potions do you have?
Luciferia: Well, this is one of my favorites. It's called Hype 💎. This will make you come alive, you'll jump right out of your shell. Say goodbye to shyness, self-doubt, inhibition. You'll have energy, confidence, charisma. You'll finally get things done, you'll connect with people, you'll always know just what to say.
Justine: Luci, the time for that was about 12 hours ago. At this point, I just want the pain to stop.
Luciferia: Pain? Well I surely have something for that, it's called Void ⚫️. One drop of this, and all the pain will melt away. The aches of the body, the agitation of desire, the sting of heartbreak; boredom, grief, and shame, all of that will fade away under a warm blanket of serenity and love.
Justine: Yes, I know what Void is. But that's a very hard potion, and it's a dark path that I don't wanna go down.
Luciferia: Baby, it's my job to lead people down dark paths. You'd really rather sit there in your little tub of sadness all alone? What, do you need a clear mind to process how bad you were on that podcast? Because it was embarrassing. Humiliating honestly, it was difficult to watch.
Justine: Oh, shut up.
Luciferia: Is it some kind of masochism? You "just wanna feel all the pain man"? Cause you're not impressing anyone. I mean, what is your plan for this evening? You're gonna sit around stalking your ex on social media all night? Cause that is pathetic and it's so unnecessary, because you're choosing to feel bad when with one drop of Void you could be in bliss.
Justine: Pass.
Luciferia: The cool kids are doing it.
Justine: The cool kids are absolutely not doing it because it's not the 90s. Kids today are vaping Benadryl, don't you keep up with this?
Luciferia: Okay I mean, I respect your choice, but I'm not going anywhere. I will stay right here, and I will remind you every minute for hundreds of consecutive minutes that your pain is optional and I have the antidote right here. But I guess you'd just rather feel pain, and shame, and humiliation, and heartbreak, and boredom, loneliness, despair, disappointment, failure, anguish, frustration…
Justine: Look, I'm a smart person okay? And I'm not gonna let you turn me into some kind of pathetic junkie.
Luciferia: Pathetic? Is it pathetic to feel good? Because when I look at you, I see someone who feels bad. And to me, that's pathetic.
Justine: Well, the thing about that... uhhh… Okay, just give me the goddamn Void.
Luciferia: Well that didn't take a lot of convincing. I thought I was gonna be here all night.
Justine: Well my will is weak, okay? Can I have the potion please?
Luciferia: Alright, well let's be a little patient. You should really do this the right way okay? It's called harm reduction. What you're gonna do is put one drop, and only one drop of pure Void into water. ⚫️ This is important, do not do too many drops.
Justine: What happens if I do too many drops?
Luciferia: Oh, you'll probably die.
Justine: I'll die?
Luciferia: I told you it was important.
Justine: Well how many drops is too many drops?
Luciferia: Well, it's difficult to say exactly. It depends on a lot of factors.
Justine: Seriously?
Luciferia: But it's your first time, so just do one.
Justine: So… do I just drink it? Or–
Luciferia: Of course you drink it. It's a purely fictional magical potion utterly disconnected from any real-world social issues, what else would you do with it?
Justine: Okay…
[Justine drinks the Void] 🫗
Luciferia: Good girl.
Justine: I don't feel anything.
Luciferia: Okay well give it a minute. In about 15 seconds you are not gonna know the meaning of the word pain, are you ready for that?
Justine: Luci, I have never been more ready for anything in my God, damn… ⚫️😖
[distortion and heavenly music]
[relaxation and euphoria wash over Justine's face]
Luciferia: There she goes.
Justine: Thank God. Thank God.
Luciferia: Well don't thank God, thank me. I will not have Father taking credit for my work.
[dissolve into a shot of the ocean]
[cut to Justine sleeping]
[phone notification] 📲
[Tiffany Tumbles messages "lol" with a screenshot of Tabby's twitter]
Tabby [tweet]: Last night J*stine T*bleau platformed racist transphobe J*ckie J*ckson. Spread this like wildfire so she won't get away with it. Force this bootlicker off the internet.
Justine: Lucy, Lucy! Luciferia? Mother. Doctor. Mother Doctor, Doctor Mother. Mom. Mother Void. Mother Void.
[Lucifieria appears]
Luciferia: Mm-hmm, yes?
Justine: *sigh* help me Doctor. I'm being canceled.
Luciferia: Oh so a bunch of furries are mad at you online, so what?
Justine: You don't understand Doctor, I'm in love with this furry.
Luciferia: Ah you really are far from God, you're further from God than I am.
Justine: Lucy, can I get a drop?
Luciferia: A drop? I thought you didn't want to go down dark paths.
Justine: Doctor, my pain is at a 10.
Luciferia: I thought I was gonna get to tempt you all over again. I'm a little disappointed honestly. I enjoy the thrill of the chase, but there's no chase with you, no chase at all. You're easy. An easy little Void slut, a slut for the Void.
Justine: Lucy, if I wanted a sermon, I'd have called the other guy. Please, just gimme the Void so I can fill the emptiness.
Luciferia: If it's the Void you want, the Void you shall have. But you don't call me Lucy anymore, understand? You call me Mommy now, because I own you.
Justine: Yes Mommy Dearest.
⚫️🎹♪ J.S. Bach: Prelude in E minor BWV 855 ♪ 🎹⚫️
[montage of Justine repeatedly getting high and languishing in bed]
[Justine getting ready to drink five drops of Void] ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️
Luciferia: Five drops already. Escalating aren't we?
Justine: Well yeah, cause one drop doesn't really work anymore.
Luciferia: So you're gonna do five drops?
Justine: Just to take the edge off. I need five drops to take the edge off, so I'm gonna do five drops.
Luciferia: Oh, well. If it's just to take the edge off, that's a very convincing argument. By all means continue.
Justine: Well, thank you for being supportive. Cheers.
[Justine dozes off in the bathtub while still high]
[Justine almost submerges before waking up shocked and scared]
Justine: Oh... That was... Ugh that was dumb. That was so dumb. Heh… Shit. I need to quit. I've–I've gotta quit, I'm gonna quit.
Luciferia: Oh you're gonna quit are you?
Justine: Yes Mother, I'm gonna quit I just…
Luciferia: Good luck.
Justine: I'll quit after one more drop.
Luciferia: Of course. ⚫️
[Justine begins cleaning up her drug paraphernalia]
Justine: All right, that's it. Never again. I'm quitting. I quit. It's just a simple matter of giving up the only thing that makes me feel like life is worth living. How hard could that be?
[montage of Justine going through severe withdrawal]
Justine: No, I can't do this. I can't do this. Shit. Shit!
[Justine grabs the empty robes of Luciferia and starts to shake them]
Lucy. Lucy wake up. Lucy. Lucy! Lucy, I want the Void. Wake up Lucy. Lucy wake up. Wake up!
[Justine and Luciferia kiss passionately with fire overlaid] 🔥
TO BE CONTINUED…
⚫️🎹 ♪ J.S. Bach: Prelude in F minor BWV 857 ♪ 🎹⚫️